Memories of a Japanese Misfit
by dirufanforever
Summary: Dir en Grey-Kyo Niimura FanFiction
1. Prologue

Prologue:

* * *

_I never thought I would go to that place to see __**him**__ again, I doubt he would even remember my name. But my heart insisted that I should go and I did ignoring the warnings my mind had given me. My mind was right in giving me warnings for the __**man**__ that I would hate for the rest of my life, had come, __**he**__ had come…to the place where I would met finally met __**him **__after so many years. But things went wrong, horribly wrong, that now I'm bring strolled away on the steeds of time to stop the life now bleeding from me. I never wanted to meet __**him**__ like this, not when there so many things to say, that have been kept secret for so long. Yet even as I see __**him**__ right before my eyes, the fact that __**he**__ couldn't recognize me, made me doubt in tell __**him**__ the truth, of these emotions that have raged on and on that now I have no control of them. _

_The pain that I was experiencing as I travel through the vastness of blurred images and distant sounds was excruciating, that my vision blurred with un-control able tears, my lips were chapped and dry, my hair stuck to my face with sweat. I was coming over with a fever, a women tried to cool me down with a cloth, but I felt it useless against my forehead. Suddenly though my clouded mind I found the answer to my tears, tears, I haven't cried since that day, was because I was afraid, a afraid to die, without expressing the emotions I so deeply felt. With an intensely dry throat that burned like fire, and a quick lick of my tongue on the rough surface my lips, I muttered __**his**__ name, a name he must haven't heard since the day __**he**__ left me behind unknowingly…Tooru. I said so softly that it must have sounded like internal whiz in the lungs…and the last of my strength to maintain conscious left me…eyes suddenly closing. A flood of the color white filled my mind then it changed filling with colors of a memory, a memory that should have faded, the memory of the day I first met __**him**__._

* * *

_The first time in my life, I didn't exactly know what had happened moments before. One minute I was someplace I should be and the next minute I knew it I was running with a girl I never knew in my life yet somewhere in the depth of my memories told me I had seen and known the girl that laid before me. Yet I couldn't place a name onto the face that stared back at me with blankness in her eyes, the eyes that were color of black pearls. _

_All I knew that girl had something to do with a man that attacked me, for some reason as well I couldn't remember him either maybe it was because they appeared so suddenly in life. Before I knew it I was by this __**girl'**__s side racing against the clock as the blood of life slipped away from her. Yet as I continued to study her, I couldn't figure what my mind was trying to get at. The girl was in terrible shape, she was shivering and sweating, her fever was growing rampant, a women continuously tried to keep it down; yet she looked like she really wanted to tell me something by the ways her chapped, dry, brittle, skinned lips kept moving without forming any word audible for me to hear. Suddenly as we approached closer to the double doors, that behind would hopefully give her the breath of life. A voice called out like a leaf rattling in the autumn wind…a name, my name that I hadn't used in years…since. I glanced down immediately at the girl but she was gone, knocked unconscious by the pain. Could it have been that I heard this __**girl**__'s voice?_

_Shocked with stillness as the people dressed in white took her away from me, I could help but remember a little of the past life I had left behind so long ago. No, it's couldn't have been anyone I knew, for I abandon my past that consumed me; __**she**__ couldn't have possible known or said my name. Or did I actually hear that word or was it just my mind? I haven't been this perplexed by a __**girl**__ ever since I met, that __**girl **__with blue-gray eyes, whose name I simply couldn't remember._


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

* * *

I was only a little girl, in the beginning of my shogakko (elementary) school years, when I first met him and the Niimura family. They lived just across the street from where I lived in a different apartment complex that was above their small family-owned panyasan (bakery). I was only six year when my mother took me out that day to the bakery, a day I often thanked and cursed it. It was during a time when my mother still appeared as the beautiful lively women she was all before my unawakening nightmares began to set in. A time when I lived in a torturing one-sided love, an incurable disease it is still. Only the year before, on this very day of my childhood, my friends that I had left, Termachi -City of Temples (Kyoto) to the country's capital and bustling city, Tokyo-City of Opportunity; they left me behind so that I could become friendless and alone. Even when my mother reminded me about the good things in life I couldn't help but think about the bad that often trailed behind and how it always seem to out weight the good; until the day that I too left Kyoto for Tokyo, that was a day that when I didn't care much anymore. My mother that morning got everything done early so that she could take me to the bakery if I can recall correctly, to buy some bread that we needed and for some sweets to cheer me up. For she said no one on this day should be sad, for it is a glorious day in April worth remembering for it was the time of cherry and plum blossoms to bloom again. It was that day in time were spring, everlasting, existed, that when I laid my eyes on him and him me; it would one of the many days of my past that I would never truly forget...

We enter the shop with the resounded sound of a twinkling bell that hung above the door entrance announcing are arrival into the shop and was greeted with a very warm welcome.

"Irasshimase," said a young girl about my age with a pleasant smile of her face and jumped from the tall stool behind the counter and to greet us further by approaching closer to the counter.

I followed my mother closely staying right behind her and kept my gaze facing downward gazing at tiled floor beneath my black shoes. When suddenly someone came bursting through the room from behind a curtain that led to the apartment over head. With an over cheerful voice that echoed loudly against the walls of the room was given to us in greeting of our arrival. It turned out to the voice of Mrs. Niimura, a friend of my mother in her teenage years I suppose.

"Isn't just a beautiful day to take a nice peaceful stroll in the park? Well, who can certainly not today with the Sakura Matsuri is fast approaching. Working is mounting up along with mounting excitement from the people of this city. I just wish I had more free time on my hands to enjoy this nice weather. Anyway I have a job and children to attend to as well as a husband. And I'm sure that something you very much relate to, isn't that right, Murasaki-san," she asked.

"Yes, so many things to do so little time to do it. We deserve a break in our schedules and remember to slow down and taken in the moment. I guess that is something that seems to be slipping away from us like the good old days of Gion. But rest assured almost everyone one will be on vacation on the day of the festival, so you'll have plenty of time to take in the weather and a break from taking care of the children," my mother replied.

"You're probably right about that Murasaki-san, so this must be your only child, Kyoko-chan, why she must be the same age as my Kuernai-chan," she said comparing.

"Yes she is the same age as your daughter and will entering elementary school this year along with yours," she said proudly and pushed me slightly forward so that Mrs. Niimura could get a better look at me.

"My, my, my…she looks very intelligence with those glasses and just by the looks of her she going to become a spitting image of you, especially with those blue-gray eyes. I remember the Baron of Yamaha, saying that you had eyes like color of the rain, now that is something you don't see or hear nowadays. I think we will have one of the most beautiful women in all of Termachi, that isn't a geisha, even with their fabulously expensive kimono," she said practically shouting, embarrassing me in front both my mother and her daughter.

Mrs. Niimura as you can tell was a very cheerful woman, most of the time, who loved to talk but she never would gossip. She was also very positive and thought only about the good side of things; she was like the sun shining on a field flowers; which was surprising to find out that her favorite color was yellow. She was also my mother's best friends amongst the other women who were family. I liked her; she was like a second mother to me as well as another aunt. So while my mother and she continued on their conversation allowing me and Kuernai to go unnoticed for awhile; I slowly went ahead in starting up the conversation by approaching closer to the counter. Kuernai was a girl about my height, with medium short brown hair and her eyes were a soft gray like that of her mother; she was like me a spitting image of her mother as well but I never said anything about it.

"How do you do, I am Kyoko Murasaki," I said bowing respectfully.

"How do you do, I am Kuernai Niimura," she said performing the same gesture.

"It really nice to meet I hope we can become the good friends," I said shyly.

"It nice to meet you to, even better best friends maybe," she laughing but she then paused and asked cautiously, "If you don't mind me asking in all, are you really an only child?"

"Yes, I am the only child in the family; it's just my mother and my father," I replied sadly, it was more my mother and me than my father.

"Well, I have an older brother, he's in the second grade in school that I will be attending hopefully you will too. His name Tooru," she said cheerfully, trying to change topic.

"It must wonderful having an older sibling to play with you and to talk, most of my friends moved to Tokyo last year. But I do wish to make new ones soon. Maybe we can be "sisters"," I said glancing at her hopefully.

"Of course, I guess I rather have you as a sister than my own brother, but don't my mother that she kill me for sure. Tooru isn't exactly the brotherly love type…he rather sleep all day then to play with me and when he does play he play either with his video games or action figures he collects."

"Oh, I see…maybe because he's older and male cause the differences," I said weakly never actually considering troubles of have a sibling.

"Don't be sad I'm use to it that's how my brother is I won't love any other way," she said comfortingly.

"Excuse me girl but Kuernai-chan could go call your brother down here please. I want to tell him something, it will only take a few minutes," said Mrs. Niimura interrupting politely.

"Yes, mother right away," giving her mother a bow.

Kuernai-chan then excused herself from me and disappeared from behind the counter through the curtain covered doorway leading to the apartment complex above. There was sound of a door opening, murmuring of a small quick conversation, followed by a closing of a door. Followed by one pair of feet walking down a stairwell then stopping mid-way, the door that was closed re-opened, suddenly there was sound of a two pairs of feet coming down the stairs. Kuernai suddenly appeared from behind the curtain with a boy about a head taller than her, possibly eight to nine years old, he wasn't exactly tall or skinny just a little underweight from the looks of his frame. From the look on his face he looked like he had been just woken up for his straight black hair poked out in several directions, his uniform was in disarray, and his glasses were off set on his nose, yet behind those glasses radiated and magnified his fierce black eyes. Even with his sleep dominating his appearance, I felt that there laid a tormented soul trapped within for it came of him in waves and the smothering smoky look of what should have been shiny black eyes. A boy torn by a hidden battle within himself it seemed yet was un-noticed by most people, making him just another ordinary boy. But I knew that he was special even before…everything else changed for him.

"This by brother Tooru-kun, the one I mention earlier, I'm sorry about his presentation he just got off from school and very much would like to be asleep right now, right Tooru-kun," she said pushing him a little closer to the counter to where I was.

Niimura-san abruptly looked up, though the direction of his gaze was something I couldn't figure out, he more or less cringed at the physical contact made by his sister against him. It took a little while longer before he actually looked at me and there was a suddenly flash of light in his dull fierce eyes that were once sleepy were now fully awake with what seemed as curiosity. I felt a strange as he swept up through me as he started at me, more directly to my face when are eyes locked on each other's for a moment and heat suddenly settled in my chest causing my lungs to burn furiously like the black flames in his eyes. I suddenly felt lost in those black watered pools and even though there was no light shinning in them I felt a strange sense of calmness in my soul. But just as quickly like suddenly flash of lighting he's expression in his eyes began to soften a little granting me a passage to what seemed to lead toward the shadowing cloud that covered his soul. Like a snake I felt the heat claiming my face in a powerful venomous bite, when his eyes lowered their gaze for a moment…like the flash of light that shone in his eyes for only a second, he realized what he had done and hardens his eyes against me like water turning into ice…black ice. Then he quickly turned his direction of his head toward his sister and let his glaze slip to the tiled floor. I did the same only in trying to manage the burning sensation in my cheeks with my long black hair. Yet even with the awkward silence hanging among us, I did my best to introduce myself to hide the unknown incidence from our parents, without stuttering miraculously.

"Konnichiwa, I am Kyoko Murasaki, it is very nice to meet you, Niimura-san," and gave a quick bow to avoid his still harsh gaze from piercing me.

There was a small pause of silence before he spoke in a low emotionless tone, "-what's wrong with her eyes," he asked with a slight curiosity remerging at the end of his sentence.

For some weird reason or another, the burning sensation spiked up in my cheeks again this time spread even further into my face, the heat was so strong that tears came pooling in eyes and began to stream down the sides of my face. I was got extremely embarrassed when people asked the question or mention about my eye color, I thought I would get use to it by now, I guess not…yet why was it more so with him?

"Tooru! Baka (Idiot!) Why did you ask a question like that, you hurt her feelings like that and out of all the things you say for introduction you say something totally not related to the topic," said Kuernai-chan scolding and punching him in the arm.

"Tooru Niimura, that is no way to a young lady like that, young man, you practically embarrassing the poor dear for goodness's sakes what's gotten into you? Now I know you're very tired from school and wish to be left alone right now but one thing for sure is that I taught you are manners young man. And for your information I think there a lovely shade of blue-gray, due to the large amount of water in her personality, and there is nothing and I mean **_nothing_** wrong with her eyes. You say it if it some kind of disease, shame on you apologize to her right this minute, you hear me," yelled Mrs. Niimura into his ear, while pulling it at the same time.

For some reason I couldn't bare to see him cringe beneath her grappling grip wincing in pain like a worm in the harm full rays of the sun. "There's no need for an apology, Mrs. Niimura I'm alright. I thought I would be use to the question by now but I still get needlessly embarrassed after all my eye color isn't very common," I said. Pleading in my mind for her to let him go, just I couldn't bear witness him in pain I could stand the chances of making him mad even worse to hate me…the pain would be strickening to me.

"Non-sense, Kyoko-chan, apologize this minute otherwise I'll make a punishment for you far more suitable for you," she lowering her voice in pure disappointment and released her hold on his eyes leaving it red like a strawberry.

"I'm sorry if I disrespected you intentionally and I asked you for your forgiveness and sincerest apologies, Murasaki-chan," he replied with a smooth distinctive voice that was unforgettable in my memory; end his apology in a long respectful bow.

"It's alright, forget about it, you just woke up anyway, though your mother will probably say that doesn't matter, I'm guessing that there's only a few people in the world with blue-gray eyes," I said try to mend the damage between us, if there was any.

"No," he said suddenly and coldly firm, "I shouldn't have said it in the first place. So don't be going feeling sorry for me ok, there are no hard feelings between us, kid," he said it while looking away at what seemed as disgust and did not once try to look at me and my expression then just began messing with his glasses into the proper position they should have been.

"Don't take it so hard on yourself or the harshness in his response Kyoko-chan, my brother isn't the best at displaying emotions or regarding sentimental type of things," said Kuernai judging me and my looked of stunned hurt expression of my face.

"I'm alright I just feel bad about starting everything, I just don't want any more hard feelings," I said with my voice barely audible whisper, feeling an un-necessary sadness in my heart.

Niimura-san glanced up, he stopped messing with glasses and just stopped fussing with his uniform jacket collar and gave me a somewhat of an apologetic yet confused glance, though I felt he truly understood by what I meant. But once again he felt my gaze upon him and hardened himself against me.

"Now it that's settle between you to, please forgive my rudeness but I think we spend more time then we can spare for my husband shall coming home from work soon without dinner being served," replied my mother, who had stayed silence during the incident up until now I had almost forgotten her.

"I'm truly sorry for the unexpected hindrance; now Tooru-kun, the reason I called you down here for was to say that it will be you who will be in charge of taking the girls to the correct bus stop to be picked up for school; every single day and some afternoons for Kyoko-chan. Now Kuernai-chan would you be a dear and hand them their order," she said wiping her hands on her apron, looking still directly at Niimura-san.

"Here's your order just like you asked for, see you around Kyoko-chan, you too Mrs. Murasaki," said Kuernai happily handing the bag with the bread and sweets to my mother, who graciously paid her.

"Goodbye, Kuernai-chan, Mrs. Niimura and you too Niimura-san; I hope to see you again," I said trying to met Niimura-san's eyes once before I left but only to watch him uncross his legs, straighten his stance from leaning on the counter in front of him and pushed himself away disappearing behind the curtain wall separating him from my gaze.

"Thank you for everything, it always a pleasure in meeting with you again. I'll come back very soon, I promise," said my mother giving her and me a warm reassuring smile.

"Don't worry yourself about a thing Sayuri, I know you'll come back sooner or later, for sometimes water retraces back to its roots and Kyoko-chan please don't trouble for him too much, for Tooru, he's a bit special doesn't warm up to people so easily and is a distant at times but really is a good boy. I guess it's because he was born in the year of the Dragon. But I'm quite sure he'll warm up to quite nicely just you wait," said Mrs. Niimura, noticing the sadness in my eyes in his departure.

"Sayuri? Year of the Dragon, what has that do with anything," I asked very perplexed by her statements. The name she mention sound almost exotic for it rich sounding pronunciation, a truly beautiful name.

"Oh that's your mother first name dear, and the year of dragon, oh forget about that just me in my superstition. I'm the type who keeps a zodiacal almanac, but it's mostly me jabbering away like if it were past instead of the future. You better run along now, time's a wasting. Come now, Kuernai we have orders to attend to," she said now looking a book of orders handed to her by Kuernai from the shelf to side of them.

And with another twinkling of a bell I stepped out of the shop with my mom. And I thought of how Niimura-san looked at me for while, he's gaze of bewilderment and enchantment just like ever one else did all except for the way it made me feel. He was the one who could send my heart pounding away like the hoofs of a galloping horse on an open plain or a bird soaring higher and higher into the sky in the midst of the sun, clouds, moon and stars it was simply magical like being pushed against the wind like a cloud. But as I started walking in direction of home I could help glance back from where I had just come from. But as I shifted my gaze to the rising apartment building I squinted my eyes against the bright afternoon sun but as I brought my hand to shield my eyes for a moment I thought I saw moment of a curtain fluttering back and forth as if someone had pulled away from the window; such a thought sent my heart racing and my mind spinning. Looking away from the building I turned toward the afternoon sky, with it merging colors, soft white drifting clouds riding the gentle breezes against the dominant, now orange giant, star that gave me warmth. Alas as a looked away with the wind blowing the lustrous scent of the cherry blossoms and rain shower of pink flower petals across my path; I thought today was truly a day worthy of remembering like my mother had said, it was truly a glorious day in spring.

* * *

_ "Kyo?" It was Kaoru, who was calling out to me yet…the voice I heard in my head didn't belong to him but to someone long ago in the faintest traces of my past that refused to reveal itself to me. The voice was young and sweet as a fresh blossom bursting from a cherry blossom tree. The voice belong to a **girl**…could it be the **girl**, who laid in my arms covered in blood only hours before, is she the same **girl**, that very thought for some reason my mind wrapped itself in proclaiming it to be so even though I could not remember the face whom the voice belonged to. Has it been that long? Or was that have I truly forgotten what I wanted to forget; but now was not the time to forget what needs to be remembered. I need to know who exactly was this **girl** and how did she know me? How did she know my name I practically screamed in my mind the very question! _

_"Kyo?" Kaoru said again with a quizzed look on his face. _

_ […Tooru…] The voiced called out to me again, that girl's voice who had no face at the moment in my memory. Something so simple as a name, a name could cause all this. My own name sparked all this? A **girl**, whom I didn't know, who said that I did know, a girl without a name or face in memory said my name, my real name. Yet as I tried to remember, I could only remember a voice that was similar to hers, without a face I can recall nor a name to place it with...that voice with a void-less face. Damn it, I wish I could just stop thinking for just this once, why did my mind insist on finding out who she was? Why did it matter? Was I scared to find the answer…was I truly scared in finding out who the voice belong to and the **girl**, who said she knew me…and my name. _

_ Yet as I stood there, with my clothes soil in dried blood, blood that should have been mine but wasn't. I was practically drenched in someone else blood, that girl's blood. Then out of my rambling thoughts in how a voice from my past was connected to the voice I thought I heard in the present…I remembered something about the void-less faced voice…the girl had the most unusual eye color…blue-grey, the color of rain, due to the water in her personality. Instantly almost every fell into place. My mind instantly then showed me a girl about six years of age with exotic eye color of blue-grey and voice that matched but her name I couldn't remember. Yet how could they be the one in the same if this other **girl **had black eyes? They could not be the same because I haven't even assured the possibility if she had spoken and if so they had to be two different people for the eye color didn't match. _

_ "Yo, you ok, Kyo-chan," this time in was Die, who was calling out to me. This time the voice was his instead of the girl's. I looked up after having my gaze fixed to the blood that covered my clothes and the small river of blood that flowed from my shoes to the floor. I blinked and then gave them a smile, a weak smile, that didn't seem to reassure them much. I felt a weight upon me pressing against my shoulders and aches in my bones and muscles; realizing that I had not stopped moving in getting the girl to the hospital. Kaoru and Die continued to look at me warily but said nothing about it, they understood that now was not the time to talk until the girl was in stable condition. Then I would find out the truth the whole truth of what happen tonight. And in whom in reality she was. The guys' looks lifted slightly into slide glances as Toshiya and Shinya came to join us. Shinya came in carrying a tray of coffee while Toshiya had some snacks and a pack of my cigarettes, Philip No 12. _

_"Thanks, for bringing me a pack of cigs Toshiya. Though I doubt they'll let me smoke in here," I said trying my best to sound up lifted but I couldn't for some reason my heart ached at thoughts of her dying. It ached in sadness in not knowing the name of girl with blue-grey eyes was nor the girl, who now lay on an operation table getting bullets taken out of her from raiding psycho man. _

_"Actually there's a patio, you can go out to smoke. Come on I'll show you, there's no need to work up so much anxiety in waiting for the doctor. You're stressed and tired out as it is," said Toshiya who laid a hand on my shoulder. _

_"Yeah, I think smoking would defiantly do me some good. Kaoru…call when you hear anything about her. I'm sorry to walk out on you guys like this but I guess some time alone is all I need right now and I don't exactly want to talk about everything that just happened right now," I said, turning on the balls of my feet I faced in the direction of Toshiya, who waiting to see if there would be a reply. _

_"It's understandable, Kyo, after all we can only feel, not even as much as half, as you do. This something you want to face alone then, so be it, we won't ask anything about it unless you feel you're ready to. This something personal…from your past, there are some things better left unsaid," said Kaoru, who took a cup of coffee from Shinya. _

_"Your just in shock right now, it will pass, the same is it is for all of us. Whenever you're ready you know you can always come to us, after all we are your friends," said Shinya, who handed a cup to Die. _

_I turned to Toshiya and he led the way, it would be hours after until I found out any news about her. I finished the entire pack of cigarettes while waiting out on the patio with Toshiya in silence. I didn't feel like talking or thinking about what happened. I just wished the ache in my heart would faded, why did I feel like I had just lost the one I loved? I felt my eye lids become heavy as I rested my head on the railing of the balcony, I was about to go into a deep sleep when my cell phone rang. _

_/Moshimoshi (Hello)? / Suddenly standing straight up from the burst of tension of the news._

_/Kyo, she out of the operation room now, there transferring her into a room. / _

_/How is she? /_

_/Ugh, the doctor said she had six bullets lodged within her abdomen, she lost a lot of blood; so they gave her trans-blood fusion from one of the blood banks they have here. She stitched up but the scars can be removed other than that she be home soon after she builds up strength. But I wonder how she'll fair when the paparazzi get here…/ _

_/Fuck don't remind me. I see what I can do about them and make sure they keep their snobbish noses out of this. That at least they can do for a girl who saved a rock star's life. /_

_/Plus I think you sent that message pretty clear to them, about not to snoop into your private life, when you wrote Mr. Newsman. /_

_/You can never tell with these gossip loving people. I be right over just let me finish this last bit of cig I got left. Then all that's left is to wait. I'll stay behind to watch her until she wakes up. It's not like I'm going to any sleep much…after this ordeal, nightmares are defiantly in the show tonight. / _

_/Yeah, are you sure you want to stay by yourself. You already wore out as it is. / _

_/I made up my mind and I'm going to stay. You guys go ahead and go on and stay at a nearby hotel or something. We'll meet up again in the morning. /_

_/Alright then if that what you want Kyo. I let the guys know. Bye. /_

_/Bye…/_

_"Toshiya…thanks for staying here with me. But you should go with the others. Catch up with you later," and with I flicked the remaining cigarette bud over the edge of the balcony. It fell silently along with the light rain that began to fall. _

_"Alright, Kyo…see ya' tomorrow," said Toshiya raising the collar of his coat and then left me alone along with the sound of the pitter patting rain. _


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Few days had come to pass and the cherry blossom viewing festival came closer and closer bringing the excitement amongst the people of Termachi, even Niimura-san, who hardly ever seemed happy. Ever since that I day met him and the rest of his family my life changed drastically both in the good and bad. First off, my father didn't exactly approve of me associating myself with Mrs. Niimura-san children, especially Niimura-san. His only answer to my question was that he was nothing but trouble to that family, and one he was going bring a great shame upon them and their family owned business. I didn't understand what he meant until a couple of years later. But somehow my mother finally convinced him to allow me to wall home with them under the condition that I was not to associate myself any further with him. It sadden me that my father would make such a condition against my free will in whom I became friends with; the barrier he created between me and him made my desire even more powerful in its attempt to close the gap between us. But even so there would soon be more barriers to replace of my father's in the later years of my life.

My father was hardly ever home yet he ensure that his iron rule was to be followed. I couldn't understand why my father acted so cruel against me and my mother for no reason at all. Where and when did the love of my father gone into the four winds of the Earth? It wouldn't be till days later that my world came crashing down when I discover where the love of my father had gone and his wrath of violence against my family and hate against the one I love…to this day my father would truly be a man of mystery, even on the day that I no longer looked upon as a father very much less then as a man. But the girl I was then did know the secrets that crept in the shadows I obeyed the laws amongst children and their parents I respected his decision.

Since I saw Niimura-san sparingly, for he only walked us to and from school most of the time without saying much as a word to us. I often searched for him amongst the crowds of older children but most of time I found my gaze only meeting the passing by glances. Thought I would catch a glimpse of him at lunch time, but he would soon disappear amongst his classmates or just completely vanish. Meeting him at his locker would be something far too risky- he would probably just send me away to wait on his sister while he caught up with us, maybe he just feel embarrassed by having us around him when the older children were watching-no, I didn't want to bother him any more then what he had to put up with. So meeting him at his locker was something out of the question-isn't not like he actually cared about me-maybe he would never care. But even with this dark sad thought I treasured every moment with him-almost everything he did I treasured it deep within my heart. His simple body movement became like works of art moving in unison-such as the massive body movement amongst the members of a grand symphony all composing a piece so beautiful and marvelous. I bet Niimura-san would never have considered himself as an artisan.

Yet there was some else who viewed Niimura-san in the same light as I, Honda Zakura. Honda is said to be the most popular girl in my grade level as well as my class. Boys from the second grade have asked to arrange play dates with her-but were rejected for Honda-san had only eyes for one boy-Niimura-san. It was Honda-san, who made herself my enemy, my intentions were pure but she thought otherwise. The minute she found out I was Niimura-san neighbor and friends with his sister- she considered it a threat against her, in trying to take him away from her. She made it her mission to destroy me utterly. But to my understanding, she barely even knew me and rejected the whole concept of being friends; she said she knew him but I believe that Niimura-san wasn't the type to associate with girls-he just wasn't interest in those types of things yet. Niimura-san would rather spend time to himself then talk to her. It was probably some lie she told to increase her popularity said Kuernai-chan. Niimura-san practically hates her she also told me when I asked her about it; my brother just can't stand her, "…she talks to much and she looks at me with those ridiculous contact "moony" eyes and bats her fake eye lashes-she makes me sick just by looking at her I just wish she would leave me alone…" she quoted from him. When she told me this I could help but feel sorry for her- she was just trying so hard and Niimura-san only got annoyed and didn't see the emotion she might have truly felt about him. Like me her love would go unnoticed. But even so it didn't slow her down from destroying me by making sure Niimura-san never notice me and what she called my "pathetic" love. But like her I didn't give up either I just kept on hoping and wishing in silence that someday Niimura-san would take notice of me and my love.

That came closer than I thought after I spent a night pondering on events of that day-it would be on the day of the cherry blossom viewing festival that I would get my chance. I hoped that today I would capture Niimura-san during my performance at the festival-which was both an entry for an extend-afterschool programs as well an examination in obtaining a scholarship from Tokyo Symphony Orchestra. Honda also entered for the scholarship, she was 1st violin player in the orchestra as well as singer in the choir- I was as well but I maintain focused on my cello- she hardly ever attended practice after school for she said she a "private" tutor. My father had given some thought to concept of giving me a chance to practice with a private tutor if only I obtain the scholarship. My mother told if I didn't get the scholarship that I wasn't to be disappointed that there were many more opportunities out there for me and even so she said she'll try to get in contact with one of her old acquaintances from Tokyo who could help me. My mother told me she would try her best to make it at the ceremony today at the park where the festival was to be held if her appointment permitted it as well as her job-but in my mind I also considered the issue of traffic. She left me all dressed up for the occasion in the hallway leading out the door with a kiss to my forehead, a nice quick warm hug and smile, and gave me her blessing of good luck and was out the door. Yet with the happiness she left somehow didn't exactly transfer over to me- is was not because I was nervous it was because I felt something that I didn't know what it was-and it gave me a negative outlook on the day ahead. And as I read my daily horoscope in my zodiacal almanac before I left home it only reassured the feeling I felt deep down inside.

_"Both fortune and misfortune shall guide you on your path of life today but do not despair life is always full of ups and downs-yet at the end of every journey the rightful ones shall always see light." _

I jumped out of my seat at the sound of the alarm, telling me it was time to head on over to Niimura's house. Even though I arrived earlier than usual to distract myself of my determined fate I found myself not waiting long at all for Niimura-san and Kuernai-chan's arrival. For once again Kuernai-chan was having difficulty with her sleepy older brother- for the argument they against each other couldn't be simply muffled by a simple curtain door.

"Tooru-kun, will you please hurry up were going to be late for school and today is not the day I want to be late for school. Besides you'll have plenty of time for napping today, for today is Sakura Matsuri (Cherry Blossom Festival!), remember," she said pressuring him.

"Yeah, yeah I remember, everyone talking about it, now will please stopping yelling your hurting my ears," he replied, facing my direction, as he pushed away the curtain door.

"Ohayo, Niimura-san did you sleep well," I asked while bowing respectfully in greeting. That way I couldn't be bombarded by the emotion inside me if our eyes were too met instantly.

"Fine I guess," he said reply after a short pause after I had risen up from my bow. He must have noticed my awkwardness around him I thought.

"Ah, Ohayo Kyoko-chan, would you mind coming over and help me straighten him out," she said pulling him by the collar toward the lifting counter to where I was standing.

"But-I really think I shouldn't," trying to back myself away from another embarrassing moment with him. Plus I didn't want Niimura-san to become angry- he was easily agitated in the morning or feel more awkward around me as I was with him.

"Please, come and help me, I can't do it by myself, I promise I'll make sure he doesn't bite you-though he hasn't bitten any one, he just looks mean but he's true harmless like a puppy," she said laughing.

Niimura-san made a face at the comment his sister made about him and harden the gaze in his eyes yet he did nothing I as I slowly approached him, "May I asked-," I asked in small quiet voice as I began to worked in straightening his cuff links of his uniform. I felt my mouth become dry as I tried my best not to touch him as I worked around his wrist- the fact that I was so close to him I could almost feel another blush creeping up on me until his mother came and interrupted us in our work.

"Hold it right there girls! Tooru-kun, you simply can't keeping going through the morning like this, these girl can't continue this type of behavior in order for you to be on time. You being the eldest of them both you have to set a proper example for them to follow. I'm sorry but that's the truth and it must be followed, you must play the part you are given whether you like it or not. And for goodness sake's how many times do I have to tell you? If I tell you once I told you a million times, boy, to please tuck in your under shirt and button up your uniform jacket correctly. Here Kuernai-chan, take his glasses while I straighten him out as quickly as I possibly can," she said and instantly grabbed a hold of Niimura-san before he could react. As she pulled him closer to get a good look at him to figure out what need to done she gasped in surprised, "Where on earth is your collar shirt?"

"I don't remember…" Niimura said replied, shrugging under his mother's iron grip.

"What do you mean you don't remember? Well there one thing you don't forget about sleep- what am I going to with you, boy, I'm going to have to tell your father now. I swear your head would be rolling around if it weren't attached," she replied with a sigh. Clearly she wasn't in the mood of raising her voice so early in the morning.

"Here it is mom," Kuernai-chan after popping up so suddenly I jumped-she must have went into the back room and got it.

"Where was it," I asked curiously.

"On coat rack next the side entrance door leading to the apartments," she said handing it to her mother, who was wrestling with Niimura-san in trying to get his jacket off to put on the collared shirt.

"Thank you Kuernai-chan. There now you look descent enough, a quick comb here and there," she said straightening out his clothing one final time and quickly began coming down his hair.

"Ow, mom, stop your hurting me-do you have to embarrass me," Niimura-san cried as he tried to regain his harden image under his mother's iron grip.

"Well you forced me to it, young man, you could at least be a little more responsible otherwise you won't be in this position again," she finally putting final touches regarding his hair and backed away from him.

"Whatever-I don't time for this, come on now Kuernai, _goodbye mother_, you coming, Murasaki," he asked quickly leaving his mother side to the front door of the bakery grabbing his school bag that was one the floor.

"Goodbye Tooru-kun, now you have a good day at school girls, and Tooru-kun one more thing before you go-are you wearing your belt," she asked him.

"_Yes, mother_…" he replied clearly irritated by the question and left out the door before his mother could continue questioning him.

"Don't worry about a thing, mother, he has everything he needs in his backpack, which I prepared for him last night," said Kuernai taking up her things and walked out the door with me.

"That was close for a minute I seriously thought we were going to be late for school," I replied walking as fast as I could to catch up with Niimura-san who was already half way down the street.

"That would never happen, even with a sleepy head of a brother- we never got to school late. But speaking of which for a person who just woke up fifteen minutes before pick up time, he sure can walk fast," she said while making a teasing face in his direction.

"Sh! Kuernai-chan he'll hear, I just know it, and it's not nice to tease your brother like, he just not a morning person," I said pulling her back in fear he would notice.

"Relax I was just having some fun but you're right I shouldn't have been teasing him," and she instantly dropped her teasing and came to a peaceful stride with my step in tune.

Suddenly, a voice broke the common silence, "Yo, Murasaki, why aren't you in your uniform," Niimura-san asked, turning his head slightly to project his voice my direction. He had his hands in his pockets, his back pack slung on one shoulder, and his body was slightly leaning back on his slender frame.

I said I silent for awhile registering what had just happen, he turned slightly more just enough for me to see a glimpse of his eyes watching me as I walked. Then I knew he had truly spoken, so slowly I began to reply back in fear of his anger for the wait in my reply. "I'm performing today during the festival for everyone and for a scholarship from Tokyo Symphony," I replied shyly glancing down at my shoes and the sidewalk to cover up the blush that spread across my face at the notice of his gaze upon me. I tried really hard to keep my gaze down even though his movements were so mesmerizing.

"She's performing in the choir too, along with the rest of girls in our grade level. I have to say you have a beautiful singing voice Kyoko-chan, just like your mother's. And the way you play the cello is simply amazing," added Kuernai-chan, clinging to her brother arm try to get him to slow down so he could full notice me.

"I don't think-my singing is that good as my mother's or anyone else in particular but as for my cello I've only gotten such skill is with practice and my mother's help," I finished with my gaze holding still.

"So you play classical music, right, but what traditional? Do you play a traditional instruments," Niimura-san said from what it sounded I found it to have a tone of interest. I quite surprised at Niimura-san interest in music, I was completely marveled at the thought of sharing something in common with him.

"Yes, I play traditional as well…I can play other instruments but I prefer to play on the samisen. I often practice with one of your classmates Machiko-san," I said with a little more confidence in my voice. I practically felt a smile forming on my face, as I kept pondering on the thought of interesting him on a topic that it sent my heart pounding away in my chest sounding off loudly in my ears.

"Maybe I'll come to see you practice…some time…that is," he replied and suddenly turning away and pulling out of Kuernai's grasp regaining his original stance and return to walk in silence. I marveled once more at his reply, why did he sound so unsure, so confused at his own response. Why did have change so suddenly cold again? The hope of a chance of actually meeting up with him, a chance to where we could finally get to know each other, left butterflies fluttering around inside my stomach.

"Kyoko-chan, I have something for you," she said stopping in the side walk to search for it in her bag.

"You have a present for me, why it's not even my birthday," I asked stopping and glanced up to see in Niimura-san had notice; he did not for he kept on walking ahead.

"Well actually it was my mother who wanted me to give this to you, and of course I know it's not your birthday silly! This black sash ribbon is for good luck on today-to the scholarship you shall win! Do you want me to go ahead and fix it on you," she asked.

"I suppose, I guess a change of hair styles would be alright today, let just hope my father doesn't say anything about it," I replied removing the glasses from my nose.

"You can see without your glasses," asked Kuernai, as she took my hair down from the pony tail my mother made for me this morning and steady inserted the ribbon in my hair like a head band; she gracefully let my hair down to the sides of my face yet at the same time pulled most of it out of my eyes.

"Yes, I only need them for read. The doctor says I may not have to wear glasses when I get if my vision ever improves. Is Niimura-san the same way," I asked.

"Yeah, he uses them to read, but always losing them somewhere in his room. That way I always have to carry them with me so there's no excuse to why he did bring them to class, plus the teacher has a secret pair for him if he loses those. But don't tell him I told you that; now let me look at those very pretty eyes of yours. Kyah! You look so cute with the makeup your mother put on you, it's so well done it hardly looks like you have any on! Tooru-kun what do you think," Kuernai-chan asked turning around in search of her brother. But her brother was too far away to hear and was waiting for us to join him.

I wondered at the thought if Niimura-san would consider me as "cute." Yet once again I was left only to wonder at the possibilities for Niimura-san was truly a mystery. "Thank you, Kuernai-chan but I believe we should get to your brother for it won't be long before the bus arrives."

"No, problem that's what friends are for, well we better fun for it now, cause the bus is here," and with that she pulling on my arm and together we ran passed Niimura-san.


End file.
